Gender-based Conflict

Robert Townsend, the executive who transformed Avis into an industry leader, said, "A good manager doesn't try to eliminate conflict; he tries to keep it from wasting the energies of his people."¹ As a manager, you can waste energy dealing with men and women fighting. This article explores the types of conflict, how the genders deal with it, and what you can do about it.

What Causes Conflict?

While every manager sees conflict as an inevitable headache of people working together, employees live it. A 2008 study finds that U.S. employees spend 2.8 hours each week dealing with conflict, costing $359 billion dollars per year. Time lost includes project failure (10%), calling in sick (25%), and leaving a job (over 30%).²

Conflict may be natural in any workplace, but as a manager you can constructively resolve conflict by understanding what causes it. Ignoring conflict--also a natural tendency--will tend to decrease morale, increase absenteeism (through lack of engagement or call-outs), and lower productivity. More importantly, it will hurt you as a manager if you are perceived as a someone who avoids conflict.

What causes conflict, and why can't people at work just get along? The University of Oklahoma lists the following sources:³ 

• Poor communication. Different styles and not communicating can cause problems and even drive conflict "underground."
• Different values. People who work together often see the world differently.
• Different interests. People will act in their own interests instead of the team.
• Lack of resources. Competition for resources can create conflict.
• Personality. All work environments are made up of different personalities, not all of whom will choose to get along.
• Poor performance. When performance problems are not addressed, this causes conflict.

Different leadership styles can also cause conflict. As pointed out in the Houston Chronicle, if the old boss used to allow people to ask for time off three days in advance but the new boss needs a week, this can cause conflict as employees adjust to the new rules.⁴

Men Are from Chemistry; Women Are from Microbiology

Men and women naturally bring different styles, values, interests and assumptions to the workplace before a clock is punched. It might be good material for comedians, but gender differences can create conflict and stress.

Adult training and publishing firm HRDQ in King of Prussia, PA, has identified five components that highlight these differences: integrating, compromising, competing, smoothing and avoiding. While both genders equally prefer to work with the other party to resolve conflict, according to the Program on Negotiation at Harvard University women are more concerned with fairness than men (compromising) and more likely to maintain harmony (smoothing). Women are also more likely to avoid conflict, display more emotion when they do, and be less competitive than men, generally.⁵

Sharon Patrick, President and COO of Martha Stewart Living, echoes these perceptions about tensions between men and women at work. "We can't ignore a million years of history," she says. In her experience men "go for the kill" while women tend to search for common interests and collaborate to find a win-win solution.⁶

But generalities are perceived at a high cost. A study conducted by Timothy Judge of Notre Dame and Charlice Hurst of the University of Western Ontario suggests there is not only a penalty for being too agreeable in the workplace but a double standard and a pay gap. Women are perceived negatively if "disagreeable," and men are promoted--and earn--less if they are not.⁷ This creates situations ready-made for conflict.

Managers are stereotyped, too. Psychologist Sherrie Bourg Carter in Psychology Today describes a "double bind" situation in which women are sent a message to be strong and confident as a leader and yet are perceived as uncaring and aggressive when they do. She writes, "Such binds can lead to feelings of frustration and anger. But when women express feelings of anger and frustration on the job, they're often labeled as overly emotional or they're seen as unable to handle the stress of the more demanding position."⁸ A women manager resolving a conflict between male employees or male and female employees can be judged more harshly than a male counterpart.

A recent shift in gender roles may just change a million years of history. According to the nonprofit Families and Work Institute, which conducted a recent survey of 3,500 workers, we are at a "tipping point" in our attitudes about gender roles. Women in two-earner families contribute more to family income, and men spend more time caretaking. About sixty percent of both sexes say they disagree with the notion that men should earn money and women should care for children.⁹ Blurred lines between gender roles may eventually change our expectations about handling conflict.

Resolving Gender-based Conflict 

Conflict happens, gender-based or not. Here are tips to deal with it:^10,11

• Act fast. The sooner you intervene, the less likely an escalation will occur. In a situation with men and women, this can be interpreted as sexual harassment or become otherwise complicated by perceptions.
• Acknowledge your people. Many times, a conflict can develop because people feel unheard or unappreciated. Expressing appreciation can subdue conflict, regardless of gender.
• Find common ground. A disagreement is an opportunity to improve a project and not necessarily an impasse. Focus on accomplishments and future steps.
• Have a plan. Those in conflict will expect a resolution, so don't disappoint them. Develop a plan or process that everyone understands, writing it down if necessary.

Arbiter and attorney Steven Menack adds that it's important to use neutral language that avoids sweeping generalizations ("You always show up late!") and "I" statements to describe perceptions ("I get frustrated when this happens").¹² In a gender-based conflict resolution, stereotypical generalizations and sarcastic attitudes toward differences need to be avoided.

While conflict is inevitable, it doesn't have to be a show-stopper. By appreciating differences in gender perceptions that cause conflict, you can resolve disagreements constructively, leading to better outcomes and better patient care.

Scott Warner is lab manager at Penobscot Valley Hospital in Lincoln, ME.

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